"Une Belle Melange"

...French for "a beautiful mess".

I watched this movie some time ago in which there was a restaurant whose cooking assistants had burnt what was going to be beautiful baked apples wrapped in puffed pastry. The frantic head chef called his retired chef friend in a panic to do something about the terrible fix he was in since he had nothing to serve his banquet-full of guests for dessert! So, what did this seasoned chef do but order everyone to peel off the charred black crusts surrounding the apples, which were still moist and aromatic. He quickly made batches of caramelized nuts, chopped up the cooked apples, alternated the apples with the delicious nuts and layers of creme fraiche, and topped it off with nutmeg and chocolate shavings. Voila! "Une Belle Melange" was born!

So, ma' frien's, what does this mean for me? I looked up "melange". Its other meanings range from the benign "medley" to the more violent "melange zone"--"an area of intense folding, faulting, and metamorphic activity between two converging plates." Sacre bleu! If life could be described merging all these definitions, this is what mine is.

I have a few days left at my current temp job and will need another one through the month of November. I am making music with a husband/wife couple of musicians every week. We are planning a fundraising dinner show in mid-November that will be so enjoyable, incorporating jazz, original songs, and innovative instrumentals. We're also planning to record a cd during the second week in December when we're all available and I'm not working. I have to post my apartment and all my furniture on Craig's List in the next few days and be my own salesperson to dispense with it all except for a bench my grandfather made. I have to have a sale and get rid of all my excess stuff after deciding whether each item will benefit me 20 years from now or whether I should ditch it. I'm attending a four-day conference in early December. I'm taking an online course for 11th and 12th-grade curriculum running through November and December, and I'm plowing through a reading list of literature that spans the centuries in further preparation. Oh, and I'm working on my work visa for India. Have I covered it all? Oh!--I'm skyping Bangalore at seven in the morning on weekends to coordinate curriculum and lesson planning with the staff I've yet to meet as they're 10.5 hours ahead of us and halfway around the world.

Alongside all this, even as I make new contacts in India I'm being intentional in my friendships here. After all, what is life without those to share it with, whether long-distance or right in front of you?

And so it goes...

I am very tempted in my weakness to develop a severe case of myopia and view the present as tectonic upheaval, a clash of converging realities with a million things happening at once and my life's "plate" careening toward the not-too-distant future. But that would make my life fit for a drama queen, and I desire not to use such hyperbole.

The funny thing about the current melange is that when I pull my nose out of it and take a step back it's still pretty tasty. I'm doing so many things I enjoy with good people and also looking forward to the time ahead. I do have to get my hands dirty and dig into the mix to create some layers that make sense out of seemingly random ingredients, but it's fun! I feel like God,the Iron Chef, has stepped in and said, "Burnt apples? I meant for this to have a hint of smokiness. It pairs better with the creme. Oh, and while you're at it, please listen up and I'll show you how to turn this mess into something beautiful."

Aah--
Une belle melange.

Separation Anxiety

Hello, All.

I'm experiencing quite a duality in my thoughts these days:

If you have kids or know what developmental stages they go through then you know about "separation anxiety". This is when Mom and Dad have to leave the kid for the first time and the child thinks their world is falling apart. When I was about 12 or 13 years old I had the privilege of babysitting a little girl the first time her parents left her with someone else. She screamed bloody murder at the top of her lungs for two point five solid hours till I was driven to distraction. Needless to say, when her parents got home, I let them know with a plastered smile and glazed eyes that their little girl had "had a hard time and been crying," or some other such minimalistic statement to convey to them the stupidity of leaving their little girl for the first time with anyone other than a doting grandmother who was mercifully deaf.

The past two weeks I have been that little girl in the moments just prior to her parent's night out--I sense something's coming that's completely other than what I've known and I've been internally freaking. I've been worrying about loneliness, more than anything. I've been worried that when I go to Bangalore I will be alone. Completely alone. The Father has assured me every time I talk to Him about it that He will be with me. He has no other answer for me than that. I know it is enough, but it sure takes my courage to trust Him with that. He's also asked, "Do you trust Me?" Yes, I do. Like the child, though, I haven't yet learned "object permanence" when it comes to God and His solid ways. I know He is always there, and that He will be enough. This should be the end of the story, but I'm human. With quivering lip I imagine my worst fear that it will be just "me and God" and that I might as well be on a desert island as surrounded by the sea of people in Bangalore that I will not know. I'm worried that to them I will look like a pretty albino :)

I know that what I am going to is good and that underneath all my fears is a settled peace. It will be fine. It will be good. But oh, I will miss my friends and people here--people that know me and are getting to know me; people to whom I am familiar. I will miss having a known place.

But then I am reminded of the scripture in John that says "Let not your heart be troubled...I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am you may be also." (John 14:1-3)

These are comforting words: "Let not your heart be troubled." Ok. So in many moments I waver between the "rest of faith" and a child facing separation anxiety from everything she knows. I have to trust God that this "place" in India He's preparing for me is a good one, and that He will provide me friends and a support network and Christian fellowship. They will not replace the ones I have now, but they will be good ones.

So, if you hear me "screaming", as it were, these next few months, pat me on the back, reassure me and hand me a warm glass of soy milk. And do pray for me--Pray that God has made a way in advance that "where He is there I may also be."

Thanks:)