"Why Do You Seek the Living Among the Dead?"

"...He is not here; He is risen."
The angels spoke these words to Mary and the other women at Jesus' empty tomb.  A late Easter message, but this verse is ringing through my head right now as I contemplate my work and purpose.

Let me start by saying, this is a tough job market right now, and I in no way want to suggest any job you, I, or our neighbors are doing is on the whole meaningless or empty.  We all have families, loans and responsibilities that keep us at work, even if our job is less than ideal.  I, for now, am thankful for my current temp job and its keeping me in Austin, a town I love like a new found friend, that much longer. 

A month-and-a-half out from ending my previous job, I've had ample time to think, process, and search.  I've held a lot of jobs in my past work lives, usually in fields or industries I enjoy frequenting, some with better success than others.  After gaining two degrees, I've come to the place where I again ask, "Now what?"  So I've explored overseas philanthropic companies, publishing, writing and editing positions, civil service jobs, and even a stint with the IRS!  I've put my profile into nearly every reputable job database possible, with sometimes good results, but often with duds ranging from "Mall Cop" to "Funeral Director".  And so it goes...


Being a goal-oriented person, my smorgasbord searches have been demoralizing, to say the least.  I've ranged to the outer radius of my skills and abilities and skirted the edge of anything I'd consider meaningful work.


While searching, my epiphanies have come sporadically and been more like gradual dawnings than Oprah "Aha Moments".  I attended a free voice lesson/life assessment session back in late March.  In it, I became completely honest about what it is I really want to do.  All bets and training aside, I want to travel the world and experience other cultures.  It's not so much that I want to be a "this" or a "that", but rather know now the kinds of things I want to be able to do in my lifetime.  In my free lesson, then and there, I took the courageous step of moving beyond the probable to the possible.

I knew I could continue working retail or become an efficient receptionist and die a slow, withering death, my world ending "with a whimper".  What I really want to do is to create a fair-trade fashion line that incorporates indigenous design into couture gowns marketed in the western world.  But how to get there?  I know the answer is not to go back to school a third time, this time for clothing design.  I do not want to become one of those perpetual adult students "always learning, but never coming to a knowledge of the truth".  I also cannot begin to find living, breathing life's work searching endlessly through U.S. jobs in the hopes of finding a purpose among the grave clothes of past jobs.  As the angels said, that tomb is empty.  I cannot seek the living among the dead.  I've realized the time for action is Now, with the skills I have.

To this end I've been reading a book called "Smart Women Take Risks".  It advises analyzing your options from a "best bet" approach.  As my mother has reminded me, I'm to look for the tool already in my hand and run with it (without poking an eye out)!  Putting together my love of travel and adventure with the marketable skills I have, I've decided to do what I never thought I wanted before--to teach English as a second language overseas.

Even in this decision my head and heart have been at war.  I initially bypassed going to a country I was excited about exploring or at least interested in and became focused on living inexpensively in the Orient and paying down my loans.  Although trying on the grave clothes of expediency and pragmatism, I insisted there was no stench, even  as I began to get the familiar feeling of a twisted groan from deep within my abdomen telling me that something was amiss.  On the way home from work last week, the light began to dawn on me--I'd been in this place before!  On deciding where to live after graduating with my last degree in music, I opted for Nashville as the practical, established locale for making music.  My heart, however, was in Austin.  At the end of one miserable summer in Nashville, I moved to Austin, where I wanted to be.  Remembering this previous experience, I decided not to repeat my history, this time on a global scale.  I finally admitted to the Lord and to myself that I did not want to go to the East.

While my gut was relieved, self-doubt began creeping in like gangrene--What if I wasn't to do this venture at all?  Before losing one toe to the grave, I prayed and sought some more and decided that teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) was still right--I simply needed to pick another country--any country.

So once again the world is my pearl (forget the slimy oyster).  I'll take the first practical steps and find a good recruiting agency, get ESL certified, and look...

Even now as I am tempted to abandon my decisions in favor of "the temple of my familiar", I remember what Jesus did.  In leaving heaven and coming to earth as a newborn baby He did the riskiest thing of all.  He entrusted Himself to a hostile world and willingly went to His death on a cross so that we could live because of His sacrifice.  The boldest move, the most calculated risk of all--He did not hesitate.  If Jesus could risk everything and come out alive and glorified, then I need not fear or second-guess.  If I am in His hand, then, succeed or fail, I will rise with Him.